shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i believe in u and ur pee
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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