Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
