I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
