What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
