I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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