He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
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