I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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