I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
