May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have aggressive nipples.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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