I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
