Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
