Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
