just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
