Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
