I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
