Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
