I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
