i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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