dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
