I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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