also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
