he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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