I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
