Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
