i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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