Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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