stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
