someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
