His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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