ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Can Purell be used as lube?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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