Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
how does that bad decision feel?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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