You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
