I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
