I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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