like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I've blown a few things in my day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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