For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
