so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
