last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
