Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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