i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
