she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
