So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
