Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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