The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
