Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
