He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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