I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
