There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
