Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
