My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
