You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
