We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
