In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
