Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
