We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
